


The Inspector Cometh

by Small_Hobbit



Series: At the Drop of a Deerstalker [1]
Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 22:10:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7124350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week in the life of Mr Sherlock Holmes, with accompanying annoyances for Mrs Hudson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Inspector Cometh

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Flanders & Swann song: [The Gas Man Cometh](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyeMFSzPgGc)

**‘Twas on the Monday morning the Inspector came to call,  
He had a very complex case; he had no clues at all.**

Although to be accurate, he had a number of clues, the problem was they made no sense and indeed seemed contradictory.  However, Holmes was enchanted and spread out all the information across the floor.  He then took a ball of string and began linking together the various points in a complicated version of cat’s cradle.

Once satisfied, he provided Lestrade with a number of locations in which he could begin his enquiries.  At the same time, Holmes kept a few of the clues back for himself, providing no further details as to what he would be doing.

All was going well, until Watson caught his foot in the string, which had been wound round the leg of the side table where Mrs Hudson had left the tea tray.  Watson tried to pull his foot free, and in so doing caused the table to tip.  The tray and everything set upon it flew across the floor.

_Oh, it all makes work for the landlady to do …_

**‘Twas on the Tuesday morning the Irregulars came round,  
Trampled across the carpet and said “Look what we have found.”**

Holmes sent down to Mrs Hudson for a plate of buns, which he gave to the Irregulars to eat whilst he made a note of all their discoveries.  He seemed generally pleased, although one or two of their statements left him perplexed.  The boys, however, were adamant they were correct in their observations, and since Holmes had no reason to doubt their veracity, he had to accept what they told him, even if it did not conform to any of his current theories.

It was yet further proof one should not theorise before being in possession of all the facts.  Accordingly, he sent them out with further instructions and a request that if anyone spotted the man with the red cravat they were to send word to him immediately.

The Irregulars finished up the buns and departed, leaving behind them a trail of dirt and crumbs.

_Oh, it all makes work for the landlady to do …_

 

**‘Twas on the Wednesday morning a nautical man came,  
He said he was Captain Basil which wasn’t quite his name.**

Various people came to confer with the Captain, who asked them a number of similar questions, before dismissing them all.  Several of them were quite vehement in telling the Captain he had misunderstood  the situation, which made him puff more heavily on his pipe.  Finally, when the last of the visitors had departed, the Captain put down his pipe and Watson, who had been taking notes throughout the interviews, threw open the window.

“Really Holmes,” he exclaimed, “is it necessary for you to smoke that abominable tobacco just to maintain your disguise?”

“Watson, it was important none of our visitors became suspicious in any way.  One cannot afford to be lax in such matters, when so much may depend on the outcome.”

Watson continued to look aggrieved, since the smoke seemed not to be dissipating.  But then he realised the pipe had tipped over, and the tablecloth was smouldering.

_Oh, it all makes work for the landlady to do …_

 

**‘Twas on the Thursday morning the postman came along,  
With answers to Holmes’ letters, he sang a cheerful song.**

Unfortunately the contents of the letters weren’t as cheerful as the postman.  Holmes sank into a brown study and remained unmoving in his chair, his fingers steepled under his chin.  He made no acknowledgement of Watson, either when he announced he was going out, or upon his subsequent return.  Inspector Lestrade received a short grunt when he delivered some further papers, but he departed again without any further satisfaction.

Finally, midway through the afternoon, Holmes sprang out of his chair, hurriedly wrote a serious of telegrams and then shouted down the stairs, “Mrs Hudson, send the boy up, for I need these telegrams to be sent at once.” 

No sooner had she done so than he added, “We shall require an early dinner and then a cold supper to be left for when we return.  No point in you waiting up, we shall be back late tonight.”

_Oh, it all makes work for the landlady to do …_

 

**'Twas on the Friday morning the villain made a start  
By calling in at Baker Street, he sought to play a part. **

Holmes wasn’t taken in, but nevertheless showed a lot of sympathy for the man, who implied he was an innocent party who had himself been threatened by the real villain.  As soon as the man had left, Holmes threw on his own disguise and hurried out after him.  Watson watched the elderly widow leave, clasping her black umbrella, before hurrying out himself and taking a cab to Scotland Yard.

Unfortunately the villain had been expecting Holmes to do something of the sort, so when Watson and Lestrade arrived at the rendezvous point Holmes had mentioned, they found him lying unconscious, having been hit on the head.  Watson examined Holmes and was pleased to observe, although severely bruised, he had not suffered any broken limbs.  Mrs Hudson’s umbrella, however, was beyond repair, and Watson made a mental note to buy yet another replacement on the way back.

With the aid of a couple of burly constables Watson got Holmes into a cab and, with Holmes slowly recovering consciousness, made the journey back to Baker Street.  He trusted Lestrade would soon arrest the villain and his accomplices by the means of more traditional police work.

Once back in 221B Watson had to call out, “Could someone come and help with unlacing Holmes’ corset; it’s not something I’m very adept at.”

_Oh, it all makes work for the landlady to do …_

 

**On Saturday and Sunday Holmes was forced to stay in bed  
So ‘twas on the Monday morning the Inspector came instead**

 

****


End file.
